Hello, this is Dr. Roberta

I’m here to give you some information and some comfort, too. It’s always very difficult when you lose someone you love.

After a death you go through a normal life crisis and like any other normal life crisis you need a period of adjustment. We call that period of adjustment after a death, bereavement. Bereavement is a process. It is a healing process. Bereavement is the state of sorrow you feel after a loved one is gone and the term bereavement encompasses both your feelings and the things you do to help yourself. 

Even though death has physically removed your loved one from you, please understand that the relationship still exists. You cannot eliminate a deep attachment. It remains. And that is a good thing.

People and so called experts may want to tell you about stages and phases of grief. Well, I am an expert and I know that everyone experiences grief in their own way. One person’s  5 day stage of grief could be your 5 month stage.

If I were to give you a broad outline of the stages I’d say that at first if you are fortunate you have friends and family around you and they will provide food and comfort and car rides and telephone numbers. So, at the beginning, stage one, if you will, you don’t have to think too much. Afterward, you may not remember what they’ve done for you because right after the death you are in somewhat of a daze. You may feel as if you are suspended in an unreal state. You may not even be able to grasp the full significance of your loss. Maybe you are thinking you’re in the middle of a bad dream, and soon you’ll awaken.

This second stage of bereavement is often long and messy. The insulation provided by shock has worn off. Your haze is lifting. And, sadly, the family members who were so attentive to you are now back pursuing their regular lives, and the friends who were so solicitous to you have likewise resumed their former commitments.  You feel alone. People who phoned you daily might now be calling but once a week.

You are actually feeling your loss, feeling a void. There is acute loneliness and emptiness where once there was life. Please pause a moment, take a good deep breath, and be reassured that all these horrible feelings are totally normal, appropriate, and expected during this phase of bereavement.

This is the time when friends, neighbors, and relatives may become alarmed about you. They’ll be saying things to each other like, “She was taking it so well, but now look at her. Could she be having a breakdown?” That’s because during this period of disorganization many of your symptoms are symptoms of depression. You may have shortness of breath and the need to frequently sigh. You may feel fatigued and perhaps have tightness in your throat. Your sleep habits and eating habits probably are not the best right now.

It is normal, at this stage, to feel a full range of strong emotions.

Please don’t worry. You will soon finish with this stage and move on to a place of security and safety. You will once again feel at home in the world.

In time, you’ll recognize that your journey through bereavement is coming to an end when you notice that you are less involved in your past and more interested in your future.

You will never forget your loved one. He or she will always be part of your life. You will maintain your attachment and preserve your bond. Your memories will warm your heart. You will honor those memories. And at the same time you will proceed down your own path – you will be committed to continuing your life.

You may notice that you are thinking more about the person’s life and less about their death.

In my book, Solace: Finding Your Way Through Grief and Learning to Live Again (Amazon), I fully explain bereavement and give you precise instructions on how to get through the process without too much pain. I also tell you when to worry and when you don’t need to worry about yourself.

In my CD, Dr. Roberta’s Visualizations to Heal the  Bereaved, I teach you a self-help method. My technique will permit you to use your mind to help you feel better as you go through grief. You will actually visualize a helpful image in your mind and then your brain will absorb that image and incorporate it into your life. Visualizations and imagery give you the ability to feel better and permit you to take control of your thoughts and feelings in a good way. This process will comfort you.

You’ll notice that after you listen to your Visualizations CD you will feel lighter and freer. You will have established a place of comfort; your own special retreat; a place of solace.

Once you become familiar with your Visualizations CD and use it regularly you will be able to fully participate in the adventures of your life  - and then, whenever you need to, you’ll take a break and visualize the path you learned about on your CD. That will immediately help you feel calm and comfortable, safe and secure. Listen to your Visualizations  CD as often as you wish.

Soon your journey through bereavement will end and you will be focusing on your future.

You will figure out how to proceed ahead with your life. 

So, please, use your CDs and follow a life-affirming path. And also, follow the specific information in my book, Solace: Finding Your way Through Grief and Learning to Live Again. You will soon realize that you have begun healing.

I wish your days to be filled with kindness and goodness and many reasons to smile. I wish your nights to be filled with secure sleep and sweet peace.  I wish you a fine life ahead,  full of wonderful memories and also full of laughter and love. You deserve it.

Sincerely yours,

Dr. Roberta Temes